I don’t know how many people know this, but Halle has been terrified of the swings for a long time now. I’m pretty sure something traumatized her at the first daycare she went to because about month after she started going to that school she stopped going on swings. And when I say stopped going on swings, I mean one day she went on the swings just fine, and the next, she FREAKED out when we tried to get her on a swing. There are plenty of things that my cautious little Halle doesn’t like to do or try, but I can’t think of anything that caused the anxiety that she felt for swings. She was about 21 months old. Flash forward to 35 months old and she still wouldn’t go on the swings by herself. Sure, she loves to swing, but only on Mommy or Daddy’s lap. She absolutely would not go on the swings by herself. Until today. Super Daddy finally got her to get on the swing by herself AND SHE LOVED IT. I’m so glad I was there with my super camera to capture so many pictures of the event on film! :) I’m in the process of uploading 53 pictures from this weekend to my gallery (most of them are of Halle on the swings!) so check out the gallery tomorrow for many, many more pictures. (Update: The gallery can be viewed here!) I had so many pictures that I decided to play around with the antique effect on several pictures (including the one above and the one below). I love that effect.

Most of the pictures are of Halle’s beaming face, so proud of herself. But I also love this one.

Showing off her two teeth and beautiful jacket

Just plain adorable in Daddy’s hat

Halle came home today and immediately started taking off her shoes, pants and panties.

Me: Halle, why are you taking off your Dora panties?
H: I need to bring them back upstairs.
M: No, baby, you need to wear your panties. Do you want new panties?
H: No, I just want to be dangerous.

AAAAH!!!!

I had a lovely break down today. Sigh.

Anyone else notice that ever since you had kids, there are days when you don’t recognize yourself? It sucks. I thought of all these things I wanted to say in this blog, but now I can’t remember them. It has passed. The crazy lady has left the room.

I will say this. One thing I never expected about parenting was how easy it is to disappoint yourself. Sure, logically you understand that life with a toddler and a baby will never be perfect, and the kids aren’t always going to be happy and rainbows won’t circle your house on a constant basis. But emotionally.. I don’t know. When you and your kids aren’t happy and the house is in chaos, it still disappoints you. You still feel like, “How did we get here? How many things am I doing wrong? Why have I not turned out to be the perfect parent I thought I was going to be?”

I look at my kids and a great big part of me wants them to never grow old. I think about them turning 6 or 7 and I cringe at the thought of my babies getting older. But I’m starting to realize how absolutely necessary that is. I’ve gone seven months without a job, without any significant amount of time without at least one kid to take care of on a constant basis and I’m exhausted. It’s wearing on me. And we’ve been talking about having another one. And now I have to ask myself.. can I really handle another one right now? I mean, I definitely want more kids. At least one more. But do I want a break? If not having any more kids right now was indeed “a break” it might be an easier answer. If there weren’t other days when I’m swimming in the happiness of being the mom of these beautiful babies and welcomes the thought of having fifteen more, it might be an easier answer.

I guess the reality is that although I absolutely love being a mom and I love my kids, the price for all that happiness is a little insanity from time to time. A little frustration. A little exhaustion. A little disappointment. Sometimes all I need is to just break down. Get it out. And then pick myself back up. I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

I just opened The Office DVD board game that I got for Christmas.  There are little cardboard people for each of the cast members that you have to punch out.  As Halle helped me punch them out, she told me who they all were.

Meredith - Mommy
Kelly - Halle
Kevin - Daddy (haha!)
Phyllis - Mia (because of the glasses)
Jim - Uncle Joe
Ryan - also Uncle Joe
Stanley - Pop
Pam - Tia

Always feels so good!! Since Halle was born, Gators have been National Champs twice in basketball and twice in football. Four times in less than 3 years!

I love you Harvin, Black, Tebow, Meyer. GATOR NATION!!

Number 1, number 1. Everybody wants to see your number 1!

Pics of my little gator: http://tinyurl.com/a7za9q

… of my sticker pants!

These are the things that have been on my mind lately…

1. Time Management — need to create a daily schedule that includes working out, outside time with the kids, indoor activities with the kids, limited computer and TV time for Halle and some dedicated time just for me

2. Healthier Eating — need to create a food schedule for all of us that includes healthy foods, limited portions, and no aspartame. And need to be more efficient with grocery shopping

3. Keep track of our spending and stick to our budget

4. Stay on top of the mail and filing (and reorganize our file cabinet and throw all the old papers out)

4. Get a business going with fully functioning website — or two websites, one for web/graphic design, one for holiday cards

4. Write and illustrate a children’s book and send it out to a few publishers

5. Train for and compete in at least one 5k

6. Carve some time out with Erica to take some good family photos of all four of us together

And, as I mentioned in a comment on Stacy’s blog, the three biggest goals I have:

Be better to myself.
Be better to my kids.
Be better to my husband.

Not that I’ve been bad to any of us, but for sure there’s room for improvement. I’m really looking forward to eating well again and exercising and having more energy and sticking to a schedule and taking some control of my life back. Over the holidays I feel like I’ve been constantly treading water and can’t seem to get anywhere, and it’s made me overwhelmed and impatient and cranky. I look forward to feeling happy and in sync with my life again soon.

Hope 2009 is good to all of us!